Domestic abuse: What can employers do?
For people who have left situations involving domestic abuse, support in and outside of the workplace is an invaluable tool.
Samantha Crellin, Sales and Training Specialist and CITMA Paralegal at WebTMS, shares her experience of domestic abuse and sets out what she learned about how a place of work can be a key source of support.
NOTE: The following piece discusses domestic abuse and touches on addiction.
If, for any reason, you would prefer not to read about these topics today, please feel free to step away or to skip straight to the resources section.
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The word “resilience” gets bandied about in the workplace quite a lot, particularly in legal practices which are becoming known for being fast-paced, high stress, no inch given environment.
The word seems to have lost meaning, to the point now that when I hear the word, I am reminded of Vizzini in the classic film, The Princess Bride.
The definition of resilience is “the ability to be happy, successful, etc. again after something difficult or bad has happened”.
So, it’s not to “work 50+ hour weeks and be fine getting shouted at”. Inconceivable.
When you’re dealing with the effects of domestic abuse, you’re probably usually used to being shouted at and your time and effort not being valued, and perhaps your childhood also made this feel normal.
It’s not always immediately obvious to the victim of domestic abuse that that is what they are experiencing.
So you can imagine why an employer or manager may not be aware that there could be safeguarding concerns within their team.
My experience of abuse was from a four year relationship with a person with a drug addiction.
I remember vividly his plea to “please don’t leave” after the first time I had found him overdosed, having had no knowledge of this prior. It was not the last time.
As a person who holds a law degree and a CITMA Paralegal membership, as well as a motorcycle licence, I like to think I am a relatively smart person and value my own safety (depending on your view, the motorcycle licence may support or hinder that view). So how did I end up in this position?
It was a gradual thing. You may have heard this urban myth: Throw a frog into boiling water, it will jump out. Put the frog in pleasant temperature water, then slowly turn the heat up to boiling point, the frog will stay in the water until it’s dead.
The Effect of Domestic Abuse in the Workplace
The psychological effects of domestic abuse also display differently from person to person.
For me, it was crying when receiving criticism, whether constructive or not, the inability to say no to accepting work when already at capacity, being unable to ask for help or discuss problems.
I also spent time on my phone, responding to messages in a timely manner to my abuser, to save myself receiving a torrent of abuse, but also to check that he was still alive.
The effects last beyond leaving the relationship. With, at that point, an unawareness of the resources and support available to me, I threw myself into work.
A short staffed team in a busy practice, out of the house from 9am til 10pm (plus commute) - How better to avoid the after effects of domestic abuse?
I lived with my parents and would go days without seeing them.
Of course, as burnout started to kick in, and getting out of bed was harder and harder, getting into the office at 9am became more and more difficult. Quality of work started to slip.
But then I learnt about a local organisation that provided a 13 week course on recovering from domestic abuse.
Instead of getting better, things unravelled further. The course meant that Monday mornings were spent out of the office, taking hours out of my week.
At the same time, the doors had been opened on the overstuffed wardrobe that was my mind.
Years of badly patched up wounds and mental trauma came tumbling out of the wardrobe, spilling into my professional life.
Then, just as the course was set to teach us how to Marie Kondo our past and tame our wardrobes, the UK went into lockdown and the course was cancelled.
Cue working long hours in my parents’ box room, where I worked, ate and slept (still struggling to start work at 9am with my 15s commute…), with no escape. I felt as trapped as I had been in the abusive relationship
I’m pleased to say that with thanks to the lockdowns forcing me to deal with the mental trauma and the support of wonderful friends, family and local agencies, I have made leaps and bounds in my recovery.
For safety reasons, I changed to using my middle name professionally when I changed jobs, as my work inbox had not been a safe place after I’d left the relationship, at two different employers!
Types of Abuse
Domestic abuse can include, but is not limited to, the following:
- Coercive control (a pattern of intimidation, degradation, isolation and control with the use or threat of physical or sexual violence)
- Psychological and/or emotional abuse
- Physical or sexual abuse.
- Financial or economic abuse.
- Harassment and stalking.
- Online or digital abuse.
What Employers can do to help
One in five adults in the UK will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime.
For such a common life experience, employers in the UK seem underprepared to spot signs or support staff as they experience it.
A barrier to fleeing abusive relationships can be not having the financial resources to be able to afford to take time off (especially at short notice) to actually leave.
Australia has recently put legislation in place that requires employers to allow staff paid time off to seek refuge.
But employers don’t need to wait for the UK legislators to catch up. Just like full pay for sick days or maternity leave for X amount of time, employers could look to implement their own policies.
For example, organisations such as Women’s Aid and the Hollie Gazzard Trust offer training to businesses to enable managers and HR teams to support employees, including spotting signs and offering proactive support, as well as requested support.
Though, it can start much more simply than that, for example, a poster in the toilets advertising the signs of abuse and resources available, to help victims identify what they are experiencing.
There should be an overall aim to foster a workplace where there is no shame in experiencing domestic abuse or the after effects.
Many who have or are experiencing domestic abuse also experience anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, sometimes triggered by seemingly innocent workplace interactions or scenarios.
We’re working towards a world where there is no shame in looking after your mental health, but we need to ensure the causes of poor mental health also carry no shame.
End
For my own experiences, I am grateful for the support I have received from Domestic Abuse organisations, I have now made peace with why I stayed as long as I did, as well as the “why me”.
To now feel safe at home and at work is something that I am so very grateful for. A little corny perhaps, but, there is a rainbow if you can survive the storm.
I am resilient.